When you realize water that you're stepping in isn't rainwater

You know, that it's just runoff from someone cleaning out their restaurant or store in the morning. It's extra disgusting, beyond the normal nastiness of city rainwater runoff.

Taking a shower at night and having messed up hair in the a.m.

I'm clean, but I look like I'm homeless due to my disheveled hair. I don't have any cool hats so that's not an option. Guess I'll just look goofy today.

Shaving off too much of my sideburns

When I wanted to leave a little more. Granted, my facial hair grows absurdly fast so it's not that big of a deal, but being a perfectionist, it annoys me slightly for sure.

Bodega guys who give me a straw and a paper bag for a can of soda

Totally wasteful and simply unnecessary. I don't need to hide my Coke Zero from the police. And I have an immune system. Furthermore, if the can is dirty, I'll just wipe it with the underside of my shirt. Or in the most dire of situations, I'll use a napkin or tissue.

Grocery stores that keep meat past its sell-buy date on the shelves

I hate you lazy people. And you're endangering your clients, don't you know that?

Forgetting my iPod when I go to the gym

It's sad how dependent I've become on my iPod, and music in general. I can't even walk to the store 2 blocks away anymore without listening to half of a song in the process.

Hipsters who wear v neck t-shirts with stupid slogan tattoos on their chests

You're just annoying. Go back home to mom and dad in the burbs and leave Williamsburg to people who actually want to live there and aren't just there for the image.

Coffee shakes

I got 'em right now. They're kinda fun in the sense that I feel kinda "high", but I can't really focus on anything for more than a few seconds at a time. It took all the energy I have just to get this post typed out.

Rollerblades

Just one of those things.

When a restaurant forgets something in your carryout order and you're already far away when you discover it

I was missing a salad last night with my chicken burger. The whole point of getting the salad was that I had a very unhealthy weekend and could have used some greens in my life. I was already home and back in relaxation mode when I discovered it, so alas, I went greenless.

People who laugh at something they say before someone else laughs, or any acknowledgement that what they said might be funny

I'm not sure where in your life the part of your brain that determines when it's appropriate to laugh got all mangled, but it did. Best solution? Stop telling shitty jokes.

Coffee grinds in the bottom of your coffee

Not a pleasant surprise when you're going in for the last few drops.

Discovering a stray hair immediately after you've shaved

And already put the razor and such away. You can just pull the hair out, but still the lack of perfection will haunt you for minutes, maybe even hours.

Losing the umbrella gamble

To take or not to take your umbrella with you on the way to work. I lost miserably today, and will spend the first few hours today drying.

Squeaky shoes

I'm not sure if it's a combination of the weather, or sock choice, or walking surface. But I hate when a perfectly awesome pair of shoes that I love squeak all the way down the hall. Woe is me.

People who don't mute their phones during meetings

I really want to punch you in the face when you make me lose my train of thought.

People who walk around with umbrellas to shield the sun

Stop. You look stupid. Also, it takes energy to hold up an umbrella. You're defeating the purpose.

People who wear huge bookbags on the subway

And don't pay attention while pushing their way around the car.

Several things can go wrong when these people go wild:

• Drinks can be spilled (not theirs, other peoples')
• I can be pushed and lose my place in my book
• You can be stuck in the back with things sticking out of the bookbag, like pencils and pens etc.

Getting coughed on on the way to work

In the subway no less. Good job at not covering your mouth that well, asshole.

Not being in the right mindset yet to get back to work after a vacation

It's a waste of everyone's time all around.

People who don't embrace national holidays

Some people at work are upset about the fact that we have a short week, and there's not enough time to get work done.

Be flexible and deal with it. People like that need to be forced home every once in a while anyways.

Having something stuck in your teeth, with no floss within reach

Not just the fact that there's essentially rotting food hanging out in my mouth. It's the oh-so-subtle pressure of something between the teeth, pushing them apart ever so slightly. I feel violated.

This can literally drive me insane. I've left work/parties/dinner before just to procure some floss from the drug store.

Marks on the walls of a new apartment, created from moving

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Seriously, and all I do for a few days is think about how I've already ruined the place, and it will never be nice and new again. It's already old and boring, time to move on.

That's a little exaggerated, but I do frown at that mark on the wall every day that I walk in the door.

Starting the day off riding a subway car that has no air conditioning

The only solace I take in such situations is that everyone is in the same boat, one big sweaty mess.

I do however take pride in the fact that I outsmarted the subway a bit today and wore gym clothes straight into the office, forgoing a morning shower in anticipation of it being completely worthless. I feel like I won.

My team losing early in a sports season

Seems to happen no matter what sport or team I pull for. College football, the World Cup, NFL, all of it.

Cellular dead zones in the bathroom

What else am I supposed to do while sitting on the john in the morning? Meditate?

Being covered in sweat before getting to work

Worse than even a coffee overdose induced sweat. Worse than a sweat from nerves presenting to some bigs. Worse than just being hot in general in the office and sweating. It's going to be a long and sweaty day.

Being too lazy too shave for a couple of days during humid 90 degree weather

It's beyond irritating.

Leaving my gym shorts at home

Nothing says athletic like working out in some plaid shorts.

Leaving my keys in the front door

As if thieves already didn't do a good enough job, I try to throw them a bone and make it easier for them.

Shoelaces that are REQUIRED to be double-knotted

Seriously? What kind of piss-poor quality assurance do you shoelace makers go through? You can't have people try on the shoes, walk for them for 5 minutes, and notice that the laces come undone?

What a terrible user experience and general failure in design and material science. I hate you.

People from the US who don't cheer for the US

Die.

Forgetting clean underwear at home

Although not wearing underwear can be fun, it's not when the shorts you are wearing were already a bit too big, and now without the extra padding, they almost slip off.

Dirty Flip-Flops in NYC

Toes rubbing in all kinds of nasty stuff.

Forgetting to lock the bathroom door

When doing a #2 no less.

Getting wine on a white t-shirt

Which I did last night.

Having the subway doors close in your face

Two days in a row, no less. Glad I signed on for the L train for 2 more years at least!

Moving

I already know how tired I am going to feel, how bad I am going to smell after it's done. Never fails.

Dudes who pee at a urinal with their pants down around their ankles

Firstly, I don't want to see bare ass when I walk into a bathroom to relieve myself. I deal with enough in a gym locker room, so give me a break.

Secondly, bathroom floors are disgusting. Do your pants really need to touch that?

Third, unless you're Patrick Ewing, you have no need to drop your pants.

People who fart on the way out of elevators

If you're gonna fart on an elevator, at least hang around to man up to up.

People who get "dressed up" at the gym

Sorry, you must be lost. There isn't a fashion show going on. There is no magazine shoot. No one cares (at least, the normal people) what brand of sports bra you are wearing or what shade of rouge you decided to wear for your cardio session.

People need to be more comfortable in their old sneakers and shorts and just deal with it. All that worrying about how you look might give you the heartattack that your exercise routine is trying to prevent.

Weather Reports in NYC

THEY ARE NEVER RIGHT.

Putting a wallet in a wet bathing suit

It makes a mess. Although I can't blame anyone but myself, since 20 beers inhibits my ability to judge dryness.

Chips at a Mexican restaurant, before dinner

I am never hungry enough to finish my meal after that. What's more wasteful, throwing away excess bulk-made tortilla chips or a prepared entree? Bring chips AFTER. That's what I say.

Getting stuck behind 2 tractor trailers going 35 in a 55

In the back country of North Carolina, no less. Longest drive to town ever.

Wilted lettuce, when you really wanted a salad

Nothing kills a party quite like that.

When the air conditioning (if you can call it that) gets turned off before takeoff

Sitting on tarmac in 90 degree weather. Packed plane. LEATHER SEATS. Isn't it a good idea to keep blasting the A/C so as to not piss off the already annoyed travelers?

Smells don't escape enclosed areas very easily. And an airplane is pretty enclosed. And a group of sweaty people + 90 degrees + stress + leather don't make for a good combination. Do what's best for the people, and the long-term health of your aircraft.

Humidity + Heat + Garbage

What a delicious and wonderful smell to walk down the streets to!

It's even better when you're walking past a fish market which has just cleaned its store out onto the sidewalk.

Flip Flops that are just SLIGHTLY too large

You catch the ends on the sidewalk and almost eat shit. They sometimes slap really loudly and annoy you and those around you. They have more surface area to pick up dirt etc.

Some things just aren't perfect I suppose.

Hitting the snooze button, 8 times

Why can't I just set my alarm for an hour later and deal with it?

Soy Milk

Ew.

Putting on socks after you've worn flip-flops all day.

It's basically like nails on a chalkboard for me. It just feels so awkward and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it sucks.

People who try to tell other people how to do their jobs

Lady in front of me in line at the bank, holding me up, trying to tell someone that she knows how to tell if a 100 dollar bill is fake or not, and they don't. Open your own bank, and quit wasting my time.

The L Train

It's a piece of shit. And I am about to sign up for 2 more years of having it be my primary subway line.

I haven't had anything to truly complain about in a while, but it's time to get back into the groove.