Marks on the walls of a new apartment, created from moving

THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Seriously, and all I do for a few days is think about how I've already ruined the place, and it will never be nice and new again. It's already old and boring, time to move on.

That's a little exaggerated, but I do frown at that mark on the wall every day that I walk in the door.

Starting the day off riding a subway car that has no air conditioning

The only solace I take in such situations is that everyone is in the same boat, one big sweaty mess.

I do however take pride in the fact that I outsmarted the subway a bit today and wore gym clothes straight into the office, forgoing a morning shower in anticipation of it being completely worthless. I feel like I won.

My team losing early in a sports season

Seems to happen no matter what sport or team I pull for. College football, the World Cup, NFL, all of it.

Cellular dead zones in the bathroom

What else am I supposed to do while sitting on the john in the morning? Meditate?

Being covered in sweat before getting to work

Worse than even a coffee overdose induced sweat. Worse than a sweat from nerves presenting to some bigs. Worse than just being hot in general in the office and sweating. It's going to be a long and sweaty day.

Being too lazy too shave for a couple of days during humid 90 degree weather

It's beyond irritating.

Leaving my gym shorts at home

Nothing says athletic like working out in some plaid shorts.

Leaving my keys in the front door

As if thieves already didn't do a good enough job, I try to throw them a bone and make it easier for them.

Shoelaces that are REQUIRED to be double-knotted

Seriously? What kind of piss-poor quality assurance do you shoelace makers go through? You can't have people try on the shoes, walk for them for 5 minutes, and notice that the laces come undone?

What a terrible user experience and general failure in design and material science. I hate you.

People from the US who don't cheer for the US

Die.

Forgetting clean underwear at home

Although not wearing underwear can be fun, it's not when the shorts you are wearing were already a bit too big, and now without the extra padding, they almost slip off.

Dirty Flip-Flops in NYC

Toes rubbing in all kinds of nasty stuff.

Forgetting to lock the bathroom door

When doing a #2 no less.

Getting wine on a white t-shirt

Which I did last night.

Having the subway doors close in your face

Two days in a row, no less. Glad I signed on for the L train for 2 more years at least!

Moving

I already know how tired I am going to feel, how bad I am going to smell after it's done. Never fails.

Dudes who pee at a urinal with their pants down around their ankles

Firstly, I don't want to see bare ass when I walk into a bathroom to relieve myself. I deal with enough in a gym locker room, so give me a break.

Secondly, bathroom floors are disgusting. Do your pants really need to touch that?

Third, unless you're Patrick Ewing, you have no need to drop your pants.

People who fart on the way out of elevators

If you're gonna fart on an elevator, at least hang around to man up to up.

People who get "dressed up" at the gym

Sorry, you must be lost. There isn't a fashion show going on. There is no magazine shoot. No one cares (at least, the normal people) what brand of sports bra you are wearing or what shade of rouge you decided to wear for your cardio session.

People need to be more comfortable in their old sneakers and shorts and just deal with it. All that worrying about how you look might give you the heartattack that your exercise routine is trying to prevent.

Weather Reports in NYC

THEY ARE NEVER RIGHT.