Wal Mart 2 days before Christmas

Unreal. I knew I shouldn't have pressed my luck.

Women who can bench press more than me

It's just weird more than anything. But it still gets on my nerves.

When Amazon keeps suggesting Nickelback's new cd to me

I'm not sure if that's an egregious bug in Amazon's recommendation system, or something I've been trying to repress that is starting to show its ugly head. Please pray for the former.

Cutting your toe open and not realizing it because you're kinda drunk

It leaves a mess in your bathroom that is no fun to clean up.

When my beard is at that itchy length

REALLY annoying.

Economy class

I've never flown Business or First, but Economy class makes me sound cheap. Just call it normal class instead please.

Me taking a week to make a new post

I've already posted this 3 times I think, but it still gets on my nerves badly.

Spilling coffee on my white t shirt

The minute I sit down. REALLY damn annoying.

No Wifi in the airport

What the hell else do you expect me to do with a computer and two wifi-enabled devices? Play cards with them? Share my feelings with them? Sip a cappuccino with 'em?

Moody receptionists

I'm sorry that your "system" is down so you can't look up my appointment time this morning, but for Christ's sake, I didn't do it. I wish I had now, but at the time, I didn't do it. Calm down people.

Cracked skin on my hands during winter

Which bleeds every now and then. I hate using lotion too, so I'm in a catch-22. Dammit.

Changing my address

It should be much easier. I know the post office is supposed to forward the new address to senders (if you sign up for their service), but it never seems to work quite right. Pain in my ass.

Getting a large amount of a certain dish from the buffet because it looks awesome, then realizing it sucks

All that plate real estate, wasted.

Waking up with a sore throat even when you're not sick

I sound like an old lady who smokes in the morning. I do not like that.

Flight Delays

I knew it would happen tonight.

Washing clothes

My night is now altered because I have no gym socks left. Clothes need to be more efficient, need to be self-cleaning.

Heating pipes in NYC

They're very loud. There is a very large one above my head at work. I have to blast death metal to drown it out. Not necessarily a bad thing, but even I can take only so much death metal.

Old door men

You're taking way too long to sign me in. I don't need a security badge for a 2 second visit. And stop calling me "buddy". I ain't your fucking buddy.

Moving

Enough said.

Headphones that don't have the ears labeled

Simple conveniences go a long way to make your customers happy. This is a simple thing. Why you cannot do it, I do not know. I hate you.

People who capitalize the word "god"

god god god god god god. I don't think god is upset with my not wanting to use the shift key.

Not being able to vote at any polling place

I know they have to keep the order somehow, but come on. What's it gonna hurt?

"Free" text messages from you cell phone carrier

WOW thanks! A free message from you, bothering the shit out of me. Just what I needed today. You rule T-Mobile!

Head colds

It hurts to think. That is not a good thing.

The end of Halloween

My life is now officially over.

People who don't dress up on Halloween

DIE.

Hardcore kids

For the 2nd time. Beating each other up is not "dancing". You also look very stupid going to a concert in gym shorts. Losers.

Web services

Please don't ask.

Web services

Please don't ask.

Not owning an umbrella

Especially after just getting out of the shower. Nothing like getting soaked with dirty water. I love life.

RiteAid

Why do you have to be so busy at lunch? Why do you make me waste my time and force me to put all my things back on the shelves before stomping off, unable to cross a task off of my daily list?

Time Warner Cable in New York

There are more football games on TV. Why do you not allow me to watch them? I utterly despise you.

Thinking it's a good idea to take easy and then regretting that decision

Boring night.

People who do not celebrate Halloween for an entire week

I hate you. With a passion.

Shoes

Mine are all old and falling apart, but they all "look good". I don't want to go through the trouble of trying new ones on. I know I need to. But I just can't bring myself to do so.

TV channels NOT showing horror movies during the month of October

For hell's sake people, come on. What else do people want to watch? It's too early for Christmas specials, and baseball is over (thank god).

Everything

It's just one of those days. BALLS.

Nights where the Bronx are not playing live in my city

Do I really have to wait one more night to see the Bronx again? What ever will I do with myself this evening?

Sunday mornings off of my couch

I shouldn't be up this early.

Sweating

My armpits are a wreck right now. Thank god I get to travel 2 hours in a stuff airplane with them.

Joe the Plumber

Who gives a damn?

The term "smarty-pants"

While the girl working the desk at the gym this morning meant nothing by it (well she meant SOMETHING obviously), the term always rubbed me the wrong way. It's just beyond annoying. Please, help me to kill this term.

Armpit odor while working out

It makes it really difficult to concentrate. All I do is smell myself instead of focusing on the task at hand.

T Mobile and Sprint

Why can't you people get some reception down at my parents' house? I mean, I enjoy being disconnected and all, but once in a while making a phone call or sending a text would be kinda nice.

My dad's wireless router

It's pretty weak. I can't lay on the couch and watch TV while working as I had originally planned. Not his fault, but I have to complain somewhere.

Jesus (at times)

Why did you have to make stores I like be closed on Sunday or not open until 1 p.m.? Some of our lives do not revolve around the church schedule. I see no reason why I can't buy organic cranberry extract vitamins before 1 p.m. on a Sunday. Or work on my pectorals before 1 p.m.

Work calling me at 8 a.m. on a Saturday for producation issues that aren't actually my problem

I can't win ...

Having to take my laptop out of the bag while going through airport security

Why? Why why why why why?

Trying to decide whether to find a public restroom, or bank on you making it home in time

I usually lose the gamble when I think I have the fortitude to hold out. Past experience has taught me get it over with, you'll be happiest. Your pants will thank you.

Alarms that allow me to hit snooze for an hour and a half

I want my alarm to detect what is truly best for me. Either shut off completely and let me get an extra hour or so of sleep, or electrocute my ass so I will actually get up and be productive when I really need to do so. Stupid alarms.

Forcing me to purchase 8 dollars worth of dessert when all I want its about 4

I would love a scoop of sorbet please. I do not need 4.

Having to take the subway home in the middle of an important meeting just to get my glasses

Because my left eye yet again is out to get me. That rat bastard.

Inhaling little pieces of cigar wrapper

Those things are quite annoying when lodged in your throat. Ugh.

The fact that I can drink as much as I do

My poor liver. I should not be alive right now, or at least able to walk.

Bars which allow smoking indoors

I guess I should really be mad at the state that sets those laws, but I love North Carolina. However, I do not love smelling like a smokestack upon returning home from bars.

Headaches

Especially when you have to stare at a computer screen for 10 hours a day. Jeez.

Grease

Keep it off of my food please. K thanks.

Limits on Credit Card purchase at stores

I can't imagine it costs more than a cent for each credit card transaction. I shouldn't have to buy 4 drinks when I only want 1 just to be able to use my credit card. Fascists!

Saying your food has Omega-3's and Protein

Just saw a commercial for Barilla pasta. They claim their pasta has Omega-3 fats and protein. WOW. HOW BRILLIANT. Sadly, people will buy that product on that basis alone. Really?

Dry Skin

I hate using lotion, so this is a double whammy for me.

Paying for refills

You only gave me half a cup of Diet Pepsi in the first place, considering you packed the cup so full of ice.

AND, if you are going to charge me for a refill Bojangles (10 cents) and I give you a quarter, yes I would like my change back. That's another refill and a half that I'd be giving up, are you out of your mind????

People at churches running food drives who try to get me to donate while I am running

Seriously? I mean, yeah I usually keep canned goods on my person at all times anyways, ESPECIALLY when I'm running down the street, but it's Saturday for pete's sake.

Really.

Forgetting my toothbrush

Breath will be AWESOME tomorrow.

Fat personal trainers

Why? Why would you work in a gym if you were grotesquely out of shape, and furthermore, why in the Hell would you take personal training sessions for someone who is out of shape? What is the point? People are just dumb.

Hand cramps when you're typing

It hurts right now ... stupid hand.

People who fart on treadmills

Really?  Can you really not hold it?  You do realize that there are a dozen other people around you who are trying their best to stay in the zone and power through a workout, and then you drop that?  You do know how deadly the sweat + fart combo can be yes?  

I wish you dead.

New York City's Weather

Please just get cold or stay warm. I am confused every morning by what amount of clothing I need to get me through the day comfortably. Make up your damn mind.

Drunk ECU Fans

Blindsiding my friend and giving him a black eye + 6 stitches. Bastards.

Chewing gum until your jaws hurts

What else was I supposed to do on the plane? They don't give you and decent food anymore (or any food at all). Now I can't fully enjoy all the real food I'll be eating tonight. This better heal up before the grill gets fired up. Dammit.

"Soft" toilet paper

I'd rather just use sandpaper.  What's the point?  It's like trying to use dandelion seed heads as q-tips.  

Leaving your keys at the office

I assume cancer is less annoying than this.  What a 180 from the euphoria of walking towards home, knowing you are about to plop your ass down on a couch and mindlessly watch cartoons for an hour before passing out, to having to repeat the act of getting yourself to work.

If I worked at a candy factory, or a hot girl factory, or a beer factory, then returning to work would be no problem.  Alas, such is not the case.

NC State Football

Why I am getting so excited about the game this weekend? Why do I always set myself up for utter disappointment?

Referees admitting they made a mistake but not being able to actually overturn said mistake

Seriously?  How stupid can the rules be?  During the Chargers - Broncos game yesterday (vested interest in the success of Philip Rivers), a game-changing play occurred which would have won the game for the Chargers.  Instead, the referee made the incorrect call, and because of some stupid NFL rules, the call could not be changed, even though he announced that he had in fact made the wrong call.  

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with that?  That makes no sense at all!  Dammit.

Golf advertisements during football games

Seriously? Do you think your average NFL football fan is going to tune in for a 3 day snoozefest when one 3 hour football game includes more excitement and testosterone than all the Masters' tournaments in history combined?

Poor audience targeting.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, SAYING THE WORD CRUCIAL

Shit. I am doomed. Watching football highlights earlier today, I used the word "crucial" to describe a last-second field goal for South Florida which won their game.

It came out of my mouth involuntarily. I had no control.

My friend tried to console me by saying "that actually made sense, that was a moment utmost importance to the game". I agreed, but I was not using the word for that. I did not predetermine that that this moment was important. I just wanted to say the kick was awesome.

I fail. Ugh. I blame having a few beers before 10:30 a.m.

The Word Crucial

When used as a synonym for "intense", "awesome", "brutal", "difficult", you get the picture. It just doesn't make any sense. I thought this word had died years ago when the surf craze died (mostly propagated by those who did not live within 300 miles of a body of water to actually surf on).

DIE CRUCIAL DIE.

Meetings

I laughed at people (adults) who had office jobs before me, complaining about meetings, complaining about their micro-managing boss (which I actually don't have), meetings being scheduled on Fridays, all of that good stuff.

Now I know. Meetings suck. Unless you're looking for an easy way to kill your day. Then they're great. If you really want to get any work done? Forget it.

Not being able to poop when I know I have to

What a tease. Nothing makes me angrier.

I'M BACK BITCHES

That is all.

Looking like a raccoon

Damn sun.

> 95 degree heat + packed subway car

I don't think I really need to say anything else.

When my left eye gets screwy, but not the right

You would think I'd be glad to have one good eye, but it's more annoying to have to constantly compensate for that one bad eye. I'd rather just accept it all as bad and get it over with.

My memory, or apparent lack thereof

When I sat down to write this entry, I could sworn that I hadn't missed a day in a while. However, much to my surprise, I noticed that I had not only miss a day, but had missed 2 consecutive days. This not only pisses me off, but disturbs me quite a bit as well.

The gym in my apartment building

There are too many people there. Quit trying to be healthy. You cramp my style.

Shaving

I really hate it. I really do. So I'm not going to tonight. THERE.

Realizing that you don't really need to your job to be happy

I could easily "survive" and live a happy life on the salary of a mid-level retail store employee, albeit not in NYC. I used to be able to do so much on so little yet feel so fulfilled. Now, it's a struggle to figure out what exactly makes me happy, what's "supposed" to make me happy, and what the balance is between those two things .

Wow, I just re-read this post and it hurt trying to analyze it.

Soy Crisps

They're too damn good. I hate soy. Why do I like soy crisps? Pains me dearly.

Baseball on TV

I absolutely love watching live baseball. This is greatly enhanced by the fact that I can get drunk, and that there are anywhere between 10 and 30 thousand other drunks, so I feel much better about myself.

However, live baseball on TV is a complete drag. An abomination in fact. This is further amplified by the fact that it's on every single night on ESPN etc. I sometimes find myself mindlessly watching for 15, 30, 45 minutes, even an hour, only to realize I have wasted whatever increment of time had passed. Gone. Never to be had again.

The fact that I love NYC so much but my family is in NC

I need to get rich so I can move them up here. Or just be able to charter private jets more often to see them. Will need to build airport in Norwood. Noted.

Being sunburnt on one side

I hate non-symmetry.

Not getting enough sleep

Just sets me up for failure days down the road. I'm getting better at it, but inevitably I will crash and burn when I don't take care of myself.

High Fructose Corn Syrup

If you're gonna use this sort of shitty sweetener, can't it just been corn syrup? It's bad enough. Why do you need high fructose? It could even be low fructose corn syrup, that would be much better.

Annoying.

Trying to hold in gas while running on a treadmill

It's really annoying. More annoying if I can't actually hold in said gas. More annoying for those around me as well. Note: limit dairy consumption prior to running. Especially on treadmill.

Tea/Coffeehouses that close at 8 p.m. on a Monday Night ...

All I wanted to do was read a few more pages in the Watchmen graphic novel. But wait, what's this, you close at 8 p.m.??????????? Hahhahaaha, what a joke. I think I'll have more tea thanks. Oh wait I can't? You mean because you actually do close at 8 p.m.? You're making me go home now? I'll buy some more chai-ginger ice cream I promise.

Continental breakfast the Hampton Inn & Suites

Godawful. Toaster never worked. Crappy muffins.

The amount of time it apparently takes to warm up pretzels at Yankee stadium

It took YEARS to heat those things up yesterday. It was chaos. Everyone wanted pretzels, and we all had to wait ages to get them. Which meant more time to consume alcohol. Which made us all much madder. You see the cycle.

My lack of originality

I apologize for two weather-related posts in the span of less than a week. I am totally ashamed of myself. I need a vacation. Not a vacation from blogging.

Sub-60 degree weather the last day in April

Come on now, this whole "let's tease Tommy with Spring/Summer" crap is getting old. Just stay warm enough. Is that too much to ask?

Homeless people with cell phones

Am I missing something here? Seriously. WTF?

People who take the elevator to the 3rd floor in my apartment

DIE.

Weathermen

Rain today? Sure sure, I'll make sure to not plan anything outdoors then ... WOW THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY.

It didn't rain today. That's good. Although my brain was dead set on not being able to do anything nice outdoors. So now I'm stuck in rainy day mode. Thanks weatherman for putting me in this dilemma.

Hardcore kids

Seriously. Why do you want to punch people when you "dance"? When I was a young whippersnapper, moshing involved jumping into each other, you know, shoulder-to-shoulder, back-to-back, etc. And when you knocked someone over, you helped them up. Unless they were drunken assholes, but that's another story.

When did roundhouse kicks become part of the equation? When did Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat moves become as much a part of dancing as the two-step? I yearn for the simple days.

People who say they can't make a difference

I'm going to revisit this post later, but just a few things that I did today:

* Reused my paper cup for tea several times before finally throwing away
* Took one piece of paper towel to dry my hands before deciding whether or not I needed a second (always only used one)
* Turned off the water in between brushing and rinsing
* Turned off the lights in my room (OMG!!!) while in the shower this morning

It's easy. I'm not about to get all Mother Earth on you, but still.

I just realized Earth day is soon. Interesting. Mother Earth and I must in fact be on the same cycles.

Basketball

Because I will never be as good as I think I should be. I really don't know why I can't shoot better than 50 percent from beyond the 3 point line, and I have no clue why I can't dunk the ball either. Makes no sense to me.

Missing a day of posting

That annoys me more than anything. Though not really. What REALLY annoyed me yesterday was sitting in the middle seat in the back of a small sedan. After being stuck in New Jersey/New York traffic for an hour and a half on the way to my friend Josiah's wedding, my left foot was really hurting.

I made up for it by stuffing my face on filet mignon and spinach-stuffed chicken. And cake. Lots of good cake. And booze. Lots of tasty booze .

Sliders

Seriously. This post is a little delayed, but I think sliders (I'm not going to throw Whitecastle in here) are one of the biggest faux-pas in food history. Why give me so little meat with such an enormous amount of bread? And usually crappy bread at that.

Another burgerhate of mine involves those which have too much meat, making the burger too difficult to hold in your hands (if I want beef and starch with a knife and fork, I'll have steak and potatoes), but I can get past that.

Sliders are stupid. I get filled up on the blandest part of the meal. LAME.

People you don't know who touch you on the street

Seriously kid. Grabbing my arm isn't the best way to get me to buy a pack of M&M's for your youth basketball team that doesn't exist.

Sweaty Socks

Went bowling after work today to mingle with all the new faces. It was fun. I am now up to my ears in calf-length and knee-length tube socks. That is very awesome. However, it does not make up for the fact that tonight, after bowling in my Gold Toes, my feet were the clammiest of clammy.

You should have seen me attempt to put on one of the new pairs of said tube socks post-bowling. Imagine someone trying to convince me that I'm too old to go to college football games. That's what kind of a struggle it was.

My Laptop Battery

I shouldn't have to put my laptop into sleep mode before finishing up on the john. That's just silliness, in this day and age of superfluous power everywhere. Why does my laptop battery have to be so weak? Why do the gods hate me so?

Blend on Vernon Boulevard

I don't have the time right now, nor have the desire to revisit the entire experience, but Blend, a newish restaurant in Long Island City off of Vernon Boulevard, is god-awful.

Quick rundown:

* Snobby waiter
* Service took forever
* Forgot to bring our drinks
* Gave the drinks to the wrong people
* Brought me hot water without any tea bags
* I had to ask the BARTENDER to get my tea bag
* Never brought milk or sugar
* Put the side dishes on the wrong plates
* Had to ask the hostess for the toast, she brought one portion, promising to bring the next, never did
* Messed up the bill 3 times before getting it right

Did I mention that they served my mom a glass of OJ in a dirty glass with LIPSTICK on it?

Terrible place. Food sucked ass too. Crappy lunchmeat in my turkey/spinach omelette.

Unattentive Waiters/Waitresses

I think this is my codependency screaming, but I always have a problem (is it?) being too nice and overly concerned with the well-being of any service-industry employee, especially one interacting directly with me.

It doesn't make sense I know. Service industry means I pay you money and you serve me. Ideally I should be able to take it all stride, but I always feel a little bad, in a "indentured servitude really isn't that cool" sort of way. I always make an effort to clean up as much as possible prior to leaving, push unused dishes etc. to the side, you get the picture.

That being said, if you are giving me bad service, that really gets on my nerves. I drink a lot of water, don't YOU SEE HOW DEHYDRATED I ALWAYS AM can't you read my mind and always have my glass full when I need it can't you bring more bread when the basket is empty wait can't you ask me what I would like to substitute for the homefries???? I get lost in my own silly obsessions and tendencies, and all I want to do in a restaurant is zone out and let you take my worries away. Please do a better job of this. K thanks.

People who sit by themselves in a tiny restaurant

And give you a look when you try to move the other chair that they're NOT using in order to give yourself some more space. At Tea and Sympathy today, this old bat did exactly that. If mom wasn't around, I would've punched her.

Also

I'm laughing hardcore about the colon cleansing ad that's showing up at the bottom of my blog right now.

There was a mechnical bull in my office today

That's all I got. Seriously. I don't know what else to say at this point.

I also discovered today that I have a new-found respect for people who use stairmasters. Stairs kicked my ass hardcore today. That's fine, it's simply less "forced" exercise for me.

The fact that my "energy efficient" washer and dryer ...

takes about 3 times as long as "normal" washers and dryers really pisses me off actually. I can't go to bed yet because of how long the stupid dryer takes. Now, I'm going to end up passing out on my couch and wake up to a pair of wrinkled jeans. It does in fact save money on our power bill, but that's not the point. I don't know what the point is actually. I'm tired.

Integration is a bitch

I feel like I have two jobs right now. And my "old" job already felt like 2 jobs (due to my own sick work addiction, whatever). So now I really have like, 3 jobs. That's a lot of jobs.

The funny thing is, I was thinking the other day that it might be cool to work 4-5 hours two nights a week (one over the weekend) at a comic book store or record store, just to experience what it's like again to have that definite start and end to a day's work, and the feeling that comes along with that. That was a stupid thought.

When's the last time ...

That you heard the words "oh, I thought you were waiting for a massage" in your office?

That happened to me today, wandering around on one of the spaces. Accidentally found the massage room. Did I just say that?

This is definitely one those moments where one says to themselves, "Ok, you need to stop complaining about ANYTHING." I of course still complained, and felt shitty in general about many things throughout the day, but it really slaps some perspective into me.

Orientation (Assimilation) Time

First day of the Google orientation. I am now officially labeled a "Noogler", or a new Googler.

Women's Basketball ...

Women's Final Four on in the periphery. LSU vs. Tennessee. I'm dying as the announcers applaud each "fantastic pass" and "acrobatic layup".

Acrobatic layup conjures memories of my friends and I trying to pull off the guaranteed letter in HORSE back in the day. I'm talking "between the legs, 360, off of Dad's truck's bumper" type stuff. Not this.

OMFG 2 days in a row!!!!111

Ok ok, baby steps. I've now posted on consecutive days. This is a great accomplishment for me. Rarely do I do anything two days in a row. Especially something that involves a complicated process like turning on my computer and signing in to some account, and then typing things.

I wandered around Queens a bit today. Astoria specifically. Very Greek neighborhood. I was looking for foot patches, foot patches that will detoxify your disgustingly toxic body. Why? My body is toxic. At least I think it is.

I never quite made it to the vitamin man, but I realized that for the umpteenth Sunday in a row, I realized that we really need to have 3 day weekends EVERY weekend.

It's always at about the same on Sunday, usually around 4 p.m. or so, that I realize there are several things left unaccomplished from the weekend that I would really like to do. And these aren't just things on my standard "to-do" list. Those are usually crossed off/carried over in some sort of regularity, and eventually they'll get taken care of.

I realized that I don't leave myself enough time for the randomness and spontaneity of life that has always given me such joy and comfort. When did I become a Post-It note addict?

First day, one day at a time I guess

So I'm going to try and start posting daily to this blog. What will be its purpose?

• Full of opinion?
• Random observations of the world around me?
• Random observations of MY world?
  
• Glorified diary?
  
• Waste of time?

So far, I have absolutely no idea whatsoever. But I'm going to give it a shot regardless and see what comes out of it. This could be a complete disaster. In fact, I'm sure it will be.